Per Merriam Webster empathy is defined as: The action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.

Empathy can be hard. Putting yourself in another person’s shoes and being in those darker places with them is hard. No one likes to be uncomfortable and empathy sort of asks that you allow that uncomfortableness to just exist and just be with people where they are.

The day I got back from the hospital after giving birth to Shaylyn, which was the next day or two days after, idk, time is still not clear from that period, I experienced one of the best examples of empathy that I’ve ever gotten before or since in its sincerity and simplicity. 

My youngest nephew, Cameron, has autism. A lot of people think that people with autism have zero empathy, which is not the case at all. Cameron has the sweetest, purest soul, and he just has a way about him. He was only 4 when Shaylyn died and I can’t imagine his point of view of those days, but I’m sure he was very confused and scared. His parents both weren’t home for days on end, everyone around him was upset and crying and whatever else. Both his grandfathers had already died in his short 4 years on earth. And obviously with autism, routine is everything so I’m sure he was having many feelings during that period. Cameron and I have a very special relationship. I am lucky enough to be one of Cam’s main comfort people and I can’t tell you the pride and pure just affection and love I feel knowing this child trusts me to that extent. And oddly this little boy is one of my main comfort people too. 

So on this day that I got home from the hospital, all my people came for me….again and forever more. Shay’s father had unceremoniously dumped me on my porch from the hospital so I was in a pretty rough spot both physically and emotionally. But my best boy came to his auntie’s rescue, as usual. My brother and SIL had explained to Cameron what had happened, he is very literal so we do not do the pretty words thing with him. We tell him facts. He knew auntie had a baby in her belly, he knew her name, I’d had it picked for quite some time, and that his cousin, Shaylyn died. (ok so little edit from my SIL just now, they actually hadn’t told Cameron yet when they came over, I always thought they had and that is why he knew, but nope, he actually did “just know”) So in walks my boy and he walked right over to me, put his little chubby hand right on my now empty belly and looked me straight in the eyes and said “oh” in this tone of I don’t even know what, knowing? He knew, he felt it, and he acknowledged it. And then he sat down and held my hand. I don’t remember him saying any other words that day. But that moment is seared into my memory forever and the feel of that moment which is something I can’t describe is seared into my soul forever. 

I guess my point here is that empathy isn’t some grand gesture, it doesn’t have to be flashy or wrapped in bows. There is no age requirement or ability that you need special training for.  It can be as simple as a chubby hand on your empty belly and a child’s simple words of acknowledgment  💜🦋💜